Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
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