Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
dude. I can hear the air.
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