He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize