i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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