Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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