so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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