Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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