I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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