I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize