who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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