just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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