I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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