Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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