I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize