so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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