We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize