I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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