A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize