so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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