Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize