I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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