How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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