I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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