I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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