No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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