small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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