based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize