Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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