Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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