Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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