So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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