***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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