The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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