You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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