he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize