i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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