Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let's get the cat blown out
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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