I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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