the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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