Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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