Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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