Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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