Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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