Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
soo... how was my night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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