I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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