How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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