She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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