Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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