I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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