Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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